You know when you here a song and it triggers a certain memory for you that you can remember right down to the breaths you were taking? Over and Over Again by Nelly feat. Tim McGraw is just one of those songs for me. I remember what summer it was, what city I was in, how the moths in the room I was staying in overwhelmed me every single night, how I could not get you out of my mind. It was a very interesting and hard time in my life, and when I thought you were making it so much easier… I think you really were. 

Don’t get me wrong, you caused a Godforsaken part of my life. But when I met you, that is when I started looking at the world the way I do now. That’s another story, but my thought is that it’s just funny that certain songs or words or names trigger emotions that we thought weren’t there. I have always been one of those people to look back and go “what if?” What if I would of said something? What if I hadn’t of taken that path? What if I would have ran a little bit longer, a little bit farther? Yes, that is a poor way to live your life, thinking only about what could have happened, but don’t you wonder?

Some, maybe even most, think that things happen for a reason. That may, or may not, be true. That is a whole other debate entirely. But I just wish I had the confidence then to know that the choices I made and the paths I took were the right ones for me at that time. They have made me who I am today.. But is that the person I’m supposed to be? So much uncertainty overwhelms me, just like the moths that one summer, in that one city, every night I stayed there.

This thought process is a cycle for me, over and over again.